Why a Name?

Why a name can help?

Without a name, others don’t know how to address your child. Do they say ‘your baby’? Does this help them when they talk about him or her to others? Naming is not something you would do just because of this…but even naming a tiny baby who dies in early pregnancy can affirm them as a person in the family. Some parents have decided that even though their baby died long ago and did not have a name, they can change their minds. You can give a baby a name whenever you wish.   See if it makes it easier for people to speak of her or him once there is a name.   However, do not feel you should or must name your baby if you don’t feel comfortable with this. We are only making suggestions and offering some whys. You get to decide and want to feel good about that decision.

People tend to grieve and support others (or not) according to their personalities and coping styles. Think about it. If dad is a ‘get back on the horse’ kind of guy, he is not likely to sit in the puddle of pain with you and say, “Tell me all about it.”   Rather, he is more likely to say, “Well, at least you know you can get pregnant, so don’t waste a lot of time until you try again.”   On the other hand, if your brother or auntie are great listeners who don’t seem to judge you no matter what you say, they are likely to support you in that manner.

By looking at your people in that light, you might be able to identify who will be there for you and give you what you want. As well, you may also be able to think about who might say those things that normally don’t get to you, but now can cause you more pain. Either try not to go to them for advice, or tell yourself, they are ‘swimming the strokes they know’ while struggling in the water with you.   You might need to give them some grace and forgiveness.   They might not be able to make changes right now even though you wish they could.