Miscarriage

There is much to know about how to deal with an impending miscarriage.  You may want to ask the hospital or your clinic if they have a book/booklet (more than a sheet or two which is very limited in scope and advice) on miscarriage. 

We have a book, Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream that offers specific help for right now and afterwards.  Another option is Too Soon a Memory.  Both are rather short and very readable offering helpful information for now and later. Downloadable at www.MemorEmedia.com or ordered from our eShop.

Another helpful resources is the 14 page eZine #4 on Miscarriage (and the Holidays).

"My tattoo to remember April Rose our daughter. The flower is a rose...our symbol for her is a butterfly and the butterfly is made up of 6 different colors, one for each of the miscarriages I had." Lee

I have had both an early miscarriage (12 weeks) and an ectopic pregnancy.  The regrets I carry were heavy for many years.  Then I decided to name each baby and give them a place in our family.  I also worked to forgive myself for not knowing what I did not know and for making poor decisions at the time.  I did do a better job with Bryna (the baby who died in ectopic pregnancy) and found peace sooner.

Here are a few quick things to take note of- (Always seek the advice of your medical provider.  This information is for education purposes only.)

•  You have rights when you have an early pregnancy loss.  You can see your baby (even if not whole due to the process of birthing also known as ‘extraction,'  D & C or D & E.)  You should be offered such things as a blanket, pillow, small clothing, sweet mementos, and even the opportunity to have or take pictures of you holding him/her even if in the plastic container (wrapped in a blanket) that the baby is placed in.  You also may plan a memorial service, receive appropriate and helpful reading materials, be connected to others who have been there, and learn of resources to help you grieve and heal.  Again, this is not how it SHOULD be, but rather how it COULD be if you so desire.  We still have work to do in hospitals, to bring them to such standards for miscarriage care.
  
• Be sure to be fully informed about decisions to end the pregnancy (D & C procedure) until you are sure that the baby (or babies) have died or unless it is a medical emergency.   Just because you are bleeding or a heartbeat cannot be found in early pregnancy, under 8 or 9 weeks, may not mean the baby has died.   If there is any doubt, ask to wait for a few days and ask for an ultrasound and an HcG test (if the numbers go up, you may still be pregnant; if they are dropping, it often means the pregnancy is not viable-the baby has died).  We know of too many moms who held off on the procedure to later learn that their baby (or one baby of multiples) was still alive…some went on to have a healthy child.  This is not meant to give you unrealistic hope, but to suggest you use caution before ending a pregnancy prematurely.  Of course, always check with your doctor, do not use this as medical advice.

•  Which hospital you go to may make a difference.  More and more parents are asking questions about testing of their baby’s remains (do I want it since minimal testing is actually done with early miscarriage at this time, and rarely are there answers)?    Some parents don’t’ want their little one to be sliced into microscopic slides.   You can voice your thoughts and ask to be given the  choice.  However, not all hospitals operate that way.  If this matters to you, learning the hospital policies is critical.
•  Another issue is whether hospitals support moms and dads who want to take their baby’s remains home after birthing their baby (by natural birth, inductions or D & C/D & E).  There are a few states who may not allow this. But most laws support this option.  However, some hospitals may have polices that impact this decision.  If this matters to you, find out BEFORE you walk in the door, if possible.   The next point is imperative to understand this issue.  Some parents have decided it was so important to control their baby’s remains that they would not bring the baby’s small body into the hospital to be examined for fear they would not get it back.  Instead, what some did was take good pictures of all the expelled parts and sent them to the doctor or ER with their phone.  Amazing what modern technology allows us to do when we get creative.  This information is meant to empower you with questions and thoughts as you make your own decisions, not to suggest that you do any of this, just because it is presented here. 
  
•  Read the Admittance forms and Consent documents; this is critical.  Some of the forms state that the remains of ‘tissue’ -which is what all miscarriages often seem to be classified as- will be disposed of by the hospital.  IF you sign this document, but later wish you had control over the remains of your baby, it may be hard or impossible to get those rights back.  If you can’t personally dig into this, but it matters to you…ask someone like a Loss Companion, your partner, a sister, parent, or friend to do some calling around.  Of course, this would mean that you have time to do this and are not bleeding heavily or in pain.  In that case…do what you must to take care of yourself first

For more specific help, read some short, self-help books on miscarriage.   Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream or Too Soon A Memory from our eShop.