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Recent Loss

If your baby has just died and you have not yet delivered him or her, this section will focus on the  immediate needs, some of the whys (why to spend as much time with your baby, why take pictures, why involve your family fully if possible, and so much more).  Later your focus will move to the early days after going home from the hospital.

There are just a couple of books and resources that are critical right now.   You can order or even download my self-help Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Early Infant Death at this time when it is most needed.  (Nook, Kindle and from  You can also order a download from our eShopThis self-help guide will  help you navigate the decisions you are about to face.  Time is of the essence – maybe your clinic or hospital has a copy that you could ask to have immediately.

From the book, you can learn the ins and outs of what is likely to happen, choices you should hear about, the pros and cons, what others have done, and most importantly – how to minimize regrets and maximize memories.   Your journey and your baby are sacred.  You get no ‘do-overs.’   Now is the time to try to clear your head a bit and seek help from those who have been there or who at least ‘get it.’   They will help guide you to make your personal choices by being fully informed and prepared, despite the shock and disbelief you have.

Some of those choices/decisions and the pros and cons discussed in our Empty Arms book include:


  • Where to begin and how to move forward
  • Consideration of creating a Birth Preferences Plan to help you maintain some control and for staff to follow if there is time and an opportunity to do this
  • Spending precious time with your baby, cuddling and discovering baby
  • Involving family which will help all of you cope and support each other over time
  • Picture-taking and memory-making
  • Naming
  • Baptism/blessingApril 3
  • Milk coming in and milk donation
  • Helping children understand and be involved
  • Paperwork for birth and death certificates
  • Autopsy and testing
  • Saying goodbye  
  • Leaving the hospital


Other topics that will also be included for the time beyond the hospital (or home birth):

  • Miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, SIDS, other infant deaths
  • Mother, father, couple/singles
  • Days ahead

    "A necklace with the little ring April is inside a case, and I have never taken it off."  Lee


  • Over time
  • Gaining perspective and finding hope
  • What family and friends can do to help
  • Resources  - specific, helpful, briefly described pages and pages of resources

Unfortunately, we cannot duplicate here the many pages from these books that have been thoughtfully crafted to help you wisely navigate these troubled waters. We highly recommend getting this as soon as you can.  Empty Arms is available in the eShop.  Note it is also downloadable and available on Kindle and the Nook.

In addition, there are people who can help guide, advocate, and/or be a companion to you during this time.  Baby Loss Doulas/Companions, Birth Planners, and  birth professionals.