Once you are home and the rituals such as funeral or memorial service is behind you, the next big issue often revolves around how a couple gets along and moves ahead.
The Anguish of Loss
If you are a couple, you may find you cope and grieve very differently, a common occurrence in many relationships. One may be quiet and keep thoughts and feelings inside while the other expresses feelings outwardly (and quite often much to the dismay of the quiet partner after awhile.) Few couples are ‘clones’ of each other, thinking and acting in the same way with similar needs and wishes, though there are some couples like this. Your differences may provide you balance if you are open to look at it that way. Tim Nelson and Sherokee have written a small, practical book with a light touch of humor at times – Couple Communication After a Baby Dies available in our eShop, as is our extensive look at Couple Communication in our #8 eZine. Maribeth Doerr has a couple booklet published by Centering Corporation - For Better or Worse.
Here's an enlightening video on "Men and Emotions." It may help people understand 'some' of the differences between how men and women grieve...and how they deal differently with emotions and life stress in general. Check out the video.
If you are a single mom – teenager or more mature mom – there are two booklets so far that can help you. One is our Single Parent Grief which touches on how it feels to be alone or at least without a partner, some of the common issues, and where to get some support. Another is Connie Nygel’s booklet After the Loss of Your Baby: Teen Grief.
These materials can help you better understand why it can be so hard to move ahead with all the pressure coming from others, and it may help you feel less alone.