We are so sorry you are here, and we are sad for you. It probably means you (or someone you love) has just had a baby die and may be in the middle of a nightmare while having to make important decisions. So unfair.
Learning the shocking news that your precious baby has died rocks your world.
|If you have just been told your baby has died and you wonder what to do now... we highly suggest you ask your caregivers to give you a copy of our small book Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death...Surviving the First Hours and Days to help you at this time. If you read the first chapter it will help you make decisions you face right away. Or visit our eShop to either buy one or download it onto your computer. Kindle and Nook are also options.
Preparation is the key - take a little time to read about the upcoming choices and pros and cons about each decision. You will be grateful you did.
It may feel like you are drowning and can't breath or are in the middle of a massive car accident trying to make sense out of words and messages that just can't be true. This must feel like a nightmare, and like many of us, you may keep hoping that the bad dream will be over when you wake up.Yet, the reality of the situation seems to go on, despite your prayers and wishes.
And now you are asked questions about what happens next. If this happened in labor, you may have no time to prepare. You are drowning and yet people expect you to talk, understand, and make rational decisions about the little time you will now have with your baby. How do you squeeze a lifetime of memories and time together in these few short days? Impossible.
Maybe your baby has lived for a short period of time and you have learned the news. Or maybe you have suddenly had a miscarriage or have been told your baby has died and you will need to labor and birth your baby. If you don't get time to prepare, you will need to take some breaths, express your emotions, find your support, and get together a plan for what happens next. Preparation, even a little, can help you gain some control as you swim in the stormy sea trying not to drown (but maybe wanting to).
How do you do prepare for what is to come when you have never done this before? Even if you understood the importance of each one of the decisions and options ahead, do you understand the 'whys' and the pros and cons well enough to choose an answer to the questions from everyone?
Parents tell us over and over that the small, practical, self-help book, Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Early Infant Death (Ilse) is the place to begin. Even if you just read the first section for now- Decision-Making after Getting the News (pages 7-29) you will have what you need to help you think this through and make the best decisions you can.
There is a reason why this may be helpful now. Sherokee wrote this after she and her husband David made all the wrong decisions when her son Brennan died prior to birth, the day after his due date. They had no guide and said 'No' to every question they were asked. No one tried to convince them to reconsider. Therefore, the regrets that came from that bad experience made everything worse and haunts them still today. They were no 'do overs' for them. So Sherokee began this book within a month of their loss.
With a fresh, raw, and loving heart, she wrote the book for you with sincere hopes that you would not have to learn the hard way. Hopefully, you can understand that their story (and the stories of the many, many families who are represented in the book) of extra pain, heartache and regrets at the few memories and baby time they had, need not be yours.
Will you keep an open mind? Can you believe that others who have lived through the short, medium, and long term process after their babies' deaths, do have advice and guidance that could help you make your personal decisions with more wisdom and understanding?
If so, you may be able to have a better experience, create more memories and rituals, and feel both guided and less alone. The choice, of course, is yours.
While many people are given this book by their hospital, if you did not, there are ways to get this book fast. Your clinic, hospital, library, or church may have it (many do).
If not, Sherokee's company Wintergreen Press (our Healing Hearts eShop) can rush it to you via post or can send you download a pdf to your computer almost immediately. You can get it on Kindle or Nook or from www.memoremedia.com.
In addition,there are a few sections that can get you started down the path right now. They can be found on this page:
Other sections will follow, but don't get too far ahead of yourself. Take this one step at a time. The entire section under Parents has much that can help you.