Gifts of Grief
When (if) you are ready (sometimes days into it, sometimes weeks or months later), give yourself permission to accept the good moments and days. Allow yourself to notice the lighter feelings and the gifts that bubble forth despite your anguish. We recommend that this should come from within you, on your timetable; don’t feel forced by others to be on a timetable or path that does not feel right to you.
Some examples of ‘gifts’ or ‘grateful moments’ that other parents have shared include—
Do you get the idea? Michelle Mosca of Angel Name Association (NY) and I created a free ppt called GIFTS OF GRIEF View it if you wish.
Charmayne from Canada would want me to share her philosophy with you in case it helps. She came to realize pretty early on that “It is what it is.” She said something like the following, “I cannot bring Bryce back. He has died. But he lives within me and our family. So how I spend each day matters. If I cry, I do and that is okay. And if I smile and feel good, that is okay, too. I will be where I am and not live with regrets and what ifs. It is what it is and I can live with that.”
On another note….You may say to yourself, as many bereaved parents have told us – how can you even talk of beauty, life, moving forward, and especially gifts? I am so angry or so sad right now, I can’t even imagine this. Or I am so upset with God or the doctor that I can’t focus on anything else. These are good examples of what we mean when we say it needs to be on YOUR timetable, when you are there, not when someone else suggests or wants you to be there. Stop reading this section if you wish and move on. Just remember, it is here if and when you happen to be in a different place down the road, come back and reconsider.