Going Home

Leaving the hospital with empty arms is unbearable.  This is the exact opposite of what you planned.  It may be that you wish to remain at the hospital and physically give your baby directly to the funeral director rather than leave your baby there in the morgue to be picked up.  Or you may want to take the baby home with you and then when ready, drive your child to the funeral home or ask the funeral director to pick the baby up at your home, unless you choose to handle the arrangements yourself (you can do this in 41 states).  Visit www.FinalRights.org to learn which states allow this and the specifics of their laws.

Make a plan for leaving the hospital.   Either have mom carry a teddy bear, flowers, or a baby memento so her arms are not totally empty.  Maybe she can walk instead of being wheeled out in the wheel chair.   Where will you go first?  Straight home or to a special place like a park, river, or lake for a few minutes of solitude. Some planning can help you have a little more control and create special memories which you will be grateful for later.  Do you want people to be at your home or do you prefer the privacy? 

This is one of those experiences that can’t be fixed and will be painful.  At least if you know it and prepare a bit, it might help a little.

Don't let anyone put away the baby things and clean out the room at home..  This is a tough job that need not be done until you are ready.  It is part of the process of loving and being the parent that you will now always be - of this child despite the fact that s/he has died.  Some parents just close the door for awhile, which allows some private time in the baby's room and to consider carefully what to do with those precious items that are reminders, but also signs of the love and anticipation.  Don't rush to do anything too quickly.