Babies Remembered Consulting

Sherokee Ilse & Associates

A growing network of professionals and parent advocates with expertise in areas related to pregnancy and infant loss who support hospitals, medical facilities, organizations, support groups, religious institutions, funeral homes, and the workplace as they in turn give the best, compassionate, and comprehensive care to families.

To help enhance programs and the direct care of professionals and other support people as they assist families prior to, during, and after the loss of their child, especially in miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal, infant death, SIDS, and Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID).

After almost 30 years of dedication to improving bereavement care, including care of systems, professionals and parent advocates, we wish to more formally share our knowledge and expertise. Our founder, Sherokee Ilse is a bereaved parent and author of over 17 books and many articles on loss. She is also an international trainer and has been featured on national, regional, and local television and radio programs, including Oprah Winfrey, Donohue and NPR.

She is joined by consulting professionals with decades of experience in helping families, as well as enthusiastic parent advocates. Babies Remembered hopes to mentor newer professionals and continue a legacy of work that has already been done. Our hope is to support the bereavement care movement as it moves forward, matures, and experiences renewal and revitalization.

• Professional program review, analysis, assessment, and development (clinics, hospitals, counseling centers, churches, funeral homes, support groups…)
• Professional assessment tools and personal one-on-one or team consultation for hospitals, clinics, churches, synagogues, funeral homes, social services, schools, and the workplace.
• Tailored planning and program development, specific and practical improvements, how to set up a program, one-on-one or team sessions, and online and phone support
• Grief in the Workplace – one-on-one guidance and team sessions. Phone or in person.

Caregiver training (one hour to one to three day seminars), conference speakers, peer support training, support group leadership

Parent Advocacy, Support and Companioning during labor, birth, and the dying process: Birth Plan Advisors (lethal anomalies, miscarriage, and stillbirth) and Parent Advocates. Training to teach professionals to be Birth Plan Advisors.

The scope of programming and consulting will continue to grow. Some of the other services we are considering:

• Fundraiser consulting – advisory or fundraiser chair
• Newsletter/web designers
• Marketing support
• New book project consultant with a potential to produce books for clients

- In-house training
- Conference speakers
- Community workshops and inservices
- Phone or internet consultation

Frequently requested topics:

-Empty Arms: Making a Difference When a Baby Dies
-Couple Communication: Healing Together (with Tim Nelson)
-The How To’s when a Baby Dies: Guidance for the Care Provider
-High Tech, High Touch: A Physician’s role
-Family Care: the Needs of the Entire Family
-Giving Care, Taking Care: Support for the Helpers
-Sibling Grief
-The Gifts of Grief
-Funeral/memorial service support for professionals and/or families
-The role of doctors and midwives when and after a baby dies
-Subsequent Pregnancy
-Holidays and Anniversaries
-What Family and Friends Can Do
-Birth Planning – how to make comprehensive plans with families
-Peer Support Training and Program Development
-Cultural Awareness and Personal Sensitivity
-Parent Panels

- Every baby and every loss matters.
- Each family deserves the best and most compassionate care.
- If families are rushed to ‘get it over with’ or rush themselves, incomplete and often regretful decisions are made. These regrets often block and interrupt good grief work.
- Prepared and informed parents can better handle this difficult situation, having more control and personal decision-making.
- Good decisions and family involvement in the ‘saying hello and goodbye’ process minimizes regrets and can aid in the healing over time.
- Every family deserves to create a Birth Plan, when possible, before giving birth and an opportunity for a Hospital Discharge Meeting before leaving the hospital along with appropriate Follow-up services.
- Families need reinforcement— That they will always be able to love their baby(ies) and never need to be ‘totally recovered and over it.’ And they need to know that love and parenthood after loss can continue in positive, healing ways, and that hope and happiness can come into their lives, and that gifts can come from grief in time.
- Staff who interact with families must be well-trained since they are key in providing compassionate, thorough, and individualized care.
- Bereavement programs in clinics, doctor’s offices, medical facilities, churches…should be well-defined, compassionate, thorough, and system-wide.

Sherokee Ilse, Bio

“I feel like we sat and had tea all day as we talked and talked.”
“What an honor to be with Sherokee and to hear her first hand after enjoying her books and using them with bereaved parents.”
“Very informed, humorous, and easy to learn from.”
“...excellent, dynamic speaker.”

“We had Sherokee speak at our annual ‘Beyond Sorrow Seminar’...She gave a fantastic presentation and was able to connect with both healthcare workers and funeral directors. The audience responded and interacted with her in a way that we had never previously seen at prior seminars. We highly recommend her!” Hantage Funeral Chapels, Hutchinson, Minnesota

“Sherokee came and spoke to our support group in April of 2009. We had a myriad of different people at very different places represented at our group and she was able to reach each person where they were, and make a point that was applicable to the entire group. With the credibility of being a bereaved parent, Sherokee shares her warmth and knowledge to draw people in, and allow them to open up. She simply offers herself to these people and her genuine care of each person was very evident. She is very inspirational, and provides hope to the people she meets. Sherokee also took the time to talk to me, about our program. She was willing to listen to our struggles, and offer encouragement. She complimented our successes, and pointed out opportunities for improvement. She has made a commitment to help hospitals develop excellent programs. She is a true advocate to such a specialized population.”
Susan Friedlan, Scottsdale Hospital, Phoenix, AZ

“I want to thank you for your kindness  and compassion in reaching out to grieving families. As a case manager working with parents following the death of a child I have encountered a great deal of publications.  Much of this material offers consolation to families but none are as well written and informative as “Empty Arms.”  Your book is able to reach out to others cross culturally and offers a wealth of information on decisions parents need to make right away.  When I encounter a family who is experiencing  the loss of a child I offer your book as soon as possible.  Having had two miscarriages I have a connection with these families and I only wish I had been given a copy of your book by the hospital or medical staff in my time of need. Once again, thank you for the work that you do.” Laurie Loveland, Any Baby Can, Kerrville, Texas

Sue Steen, RN, BSN, MS, Bio
Comments from families—
“I don’t know how we would have made it through those first very dark and confusing days without you. You led us through every step with such care and compassion and we are forever grateful.” Parents of Jacob

“Talking with you and birth planning was a very important part of the process. We could just go to the hospital and everything was planned.” Parents of Anna

“ We continue to think of you often as an angel whom God sent to us to help us with the loss of Emma.” Parents of Emma

“Thank you for the comfort and kindness you provided during my pregnancy and delivery. We will never forget you-you touched our lives. Parents of Kathryn and Maggie

Comments from health care providers—

“Sue served as an amazing support, resource and educator to staff and families alike.” Rachel Beucler, RN MPH, Care Coordinator Birth Center, Abbott Northwestern Hospital

“Every family that Sue has touched has been influence in an awesome way by her gentle, caring, compassion.” Molly RN

Lori Martini, Bereaved Parent and Consultant, Bio
Comments from families—
“I would have been lost without Lori.” ( Friend & Co-Worker to newly bereaved family)

“Lori is one of the few blessings that came into my life, during this terrible time; she was and still is an Angel that was sent to help me heal. ”(Bereaved Parent in subsequent pregnancy)

Comments from health care providers—

“I can’t tell you how many staff approached me in the days following the perinatal bereavement conference that Lori presented at to say how meaningful it was to hear her speak and that it would truly help them improve the care they give to bereaved parents from now on.” (OB Nurse Specialist)

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Copyright 2000 - 2012
Last modified: April 12, 2012