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Poems, articles and stories.
"You may use and share with others as long as you give proper credit and copyright".
See my bio for additional background information.
Who Am I?
I did not choose this path, this mission. I was given the burden of having three babies die and decided that the only way to survive was to share it, grow from it, and try to help make it better for others.
In 1979 my husband David and I had a miscarriage. Years later I gave her the name that was in my heart, Marama (moon in Polynesian). In 1981 after a perfect pregnancy, Brennan William was born still. We held him briefly, took no pictures, received no lock of hair, footprint, blanket, or memento of any kind. No literature was given to us and no referral was made for support. No family member saw him besides us. What regrets we still live with today!
The sadness and shock of it all rocked our world. With help from others, including my loving husband, David, I wrote the book, Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death. My dream was to see it given away in every hospital in America so families could make better decisions than we had at the time. There are now more than 300,000 copies in print. I then initiated the beginnings of a National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center, which has since closed after 20 years, and I began speaking all over the country and now the world. Caregivers needed to know how to give compassionate and thorough care to families and bereaved families and friends needed to know how to help each other and themselves. Thankfully, I have been given the gift of feeling comfortable in front of people and being able to speak passionately about things in which I believe.
My mission continues today. David and I have two healthy sons who make us proud each day. Kellan lives on the East coast and works as a quality engineer; Trevor graduates this spring as a chemical engineer and has accepted an engineering leadership position with a fine firm. Both enjoy life fully and are very connected to us, which is important to our entire family. They had a good life growing up, knowing that their parents were 'a bit' more protective of them and honest with them about life and death than some parents. After the two boys were born we had an ectopic pregnancy 1987 - Bryna, an early ectopic pregnancy. I have authored and co-authored many more books and booklets, including Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream and Precious Lives: Painful Choices for those who are pressed to end a tentative pregnancy but who need to know they can also continue it if that is what is really in their hearts. Lately, I have been involved with First Candle and am presently on the Board of Directors for International Stillbirth Alliance which is the first organization dedicated to the study and prevention of stillbirth.
Two of my favorite websites that offer tons of resources and opportunities to share and grow from your experience are - A Place to Remember...a company that goes out of their way to create beautiful materials and do the right thing for families. Also, Centering Corporation has carried my books forever and has been a leader in developing and sharing resources. Over the years, I have been active in conferences, associations, and organizations with such groups as Share, RTS, Miss Foundation, and Missing Grace (and many other great groups) who do so much to help our cause - teaching care providers and touching families.
There are more projects which need to be accomplished and more people who need to be touched. I care, and I do my best to help make this world a better place where fewer babies die and where families who must experience this devastating loss find compassionate care and support from all who interact with them. No small dream, but luckily, it is shared by many who also do this work.
Blessings to you,
PS I love to speak on this topic and am available to do so. See my bio for additional background information.